Starting school gifts: based on what your child fears and looks forward to

Fear of separation is the most common worry for children starting school, and it often doesn't show on the first day, when everything is new and exciting, but a week or two later, once the excitement wears off. That's why a gift your child carries with them works — something that reminds them of home even at their desk: a small keyring for the book bag with a photo of the family or the pet, a soft toy keyring for a pocket, a note tucked into the pencil case. The key is that it's small — a big toy usually can't come to school, and left at home it won't help them in class.

The second way is a story. A child who has “rehearsed” their first day at school in a book then experiences it as something familiar. Classic books about the first day at school are lovely, but a story in which your child is the hero — with their own name and looks, with a friend or a brother or sister at their side — has a stronger effect still. You can create a personalised book like that from a single photo; the digital version is usually ready within 15 minutes and the printed one arrives within 7 working days, so allow time for printing well before the summer holidays end.

A child who can't wait to read will be happiest with a book they'll genuinely manage on their own in a few months. To get that right, it helps to know how reading is taught at their school.

For lots of children, starting school is above all a promotion. A gift that confirms that promotion means more than yet another toy.

The journey to school is the first part of the day when a child is out of sight of parents or teachers — and even while you still hold their hand, they know that one day they'll walk it alone. The best gift here combines a thing with time spent together: a reflective jacket, a hi-vis vest or keyrings for the book bag, plus a few weekend walks along the route where your child leads and you simply follow.

Reflective items aren't just for show. Autumn and winter mornings, when children walk to school in the half-light, are exactly when drivers need to see them. Colourful keyrings shaped like animals get worn far more happily than a dull strip, so they work as a gift too.

Some children aren't looking forward to school because they've heard about tests and homework and are afraid they'll fail. A workbook “for practice” only confirms that fear: the gift says they're going to be judged. Games work better — ones where a child counts, reads or plans without noticing they're learning: dice games, card games with adding up, matching pairs with letters. Tips on choosing them by what your child can already do are in Getting ready for school: gifts that teach through play.

And one more thing parents do with the best intentions: promising a reward for the first gold star. For a child who's afraid they won't cope, that's one more bar to clear. Let the starting school gift be for going to school, not for how well it goes.

Short notes on a slip of paper for the pencil case or lunchbox. In September a new schoolchild can read only a few letters, so write in capitals and keep it short — or draw a picture.